Dear TMZ.......

A rant inspired by YouTuber xlNowhereManlx

Dear TMZ....*clears throat*.....F**K YOU!!!

TMZ, I once used to enjoy watching your show on television. It was funny, original, and creatively improvised. It was the perfect show to watch on a late Friday night if I needed a few laughs. However, one day I started to get bored of your repetitive show and realized that a large portion (100%) of your show consisted of following celebrities around, reporting generally uninteresting information and trying to put a comedic spin on everything in order to gain ratings, unless it was in the case of celebrities having to endure publicly-aired embarrassments. You guys would also borderline stalk (stalk the hell out of) the usual celebrities such as Perez Hilton, Alec Baldwin, and Brittney Spears and actually have the nerve to be 'surprised' when they lash out at you guys. The question I have for you guys is this: why do you guys feel like we have to know about all of this?

Seriously, why do we need to know about whether or not Perez Hilton went to McDonald's, or if Justin Beiber is driving a new car, or if Rihanna is getting a new tattoo? how is it having an impact on me? Questions like these have caused me to come to the conclusion that your program is nothing more than one huge hemorrhoid on the big, wrinkly anus that is the majority of American Pop culture. You guys are 10 times more annoying than that stupid orange and 10 times bigger dickriders than even the most avid teenage YMCMB fans. If you guys aren't going to give some helpful advice to these same celebrities, please shut the fuck up. This is not a 'leave Brittany alone message' or any of that nonsense, but rather, it is what I feel is necessary criticism for you and your media. This is why you truly don't deserve any sympathy when your paparazzi attacked by an overly egotistical Rap artist or by anyone else who feels annoyed by your presence.

I would have done the exact same thing.

The cruel irony here is the fact that you guys are obsessed with what someone else is doing 24/7, yet when someone does a study on musical tastes and SAT scores, you have the nerve to mock them. Really? That's like Jabba the Hut making fat jokes. I bet some of you are probably going through very dire financial situations, but are too busy butting into everyone else's personal life to, you know, take care of your priorities.

In the end, however, all your programming really does is serve as a mindless distraction, nothing but another hemorrhoid on the wrinkly anus that is the majority of American Pop culture. If you continue on this path, I will feel no sympathy for you if you were to end up either getting charged for stalking or have yourselves end up like this due to a celebrity's anger:

    

Heed the warning and (again) either a) give some helpful advice, b) shut up, or c) be like a virgin bird, and simply not give a flying fuck.

Sincerely,

Kev