Monday, September 23, 2013

Things Learned From Movies

-Cops can be in an intense firefight, yet no matter how many bullets fly or however many explosions occur (or how big they are), cops are never killed.

-If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into already knows the routine.

-All women (especially blonde white women) become incredibly clumsy and need to be pulled along by the man at the arm in horror films, even if the guy is a fat midget and the girl is an Olympic track star.

-Any car that crashes bursts into flames, even if it nicks the curb at 5 mph.

-White characters always survive the worst ordeals, even if the Black people in the film are survivalists and the Whites are a group of impossibly moronic teenagers.

-You can always park directly outside any building you enter into.

-Villains always explain their plan in detail.

-Cars that crash always burst into flames.

-In horror films, monsters always catch up to the victims, despite never exceeding the speed of a snail.

-Teachers and professors never finish class on time.

-All teenage girls are stuck-up, backbiting, over-dramatic pricks. Either that, or goths.

-Any job makes dads forget their son's Birthday(s).

-Epic speeches before any major battle turns the tide of the entire war.

-All foreigners, when all alone, prefer to speak English to each other.

-No matter how far you drive up on the sidewalk, Hollywood pedestrians have the world's best reactions, and always get out of the way in time.

-The most dangerous place to be at any given time is around a roadside fruit seller's cart.

-Movie henchmen have terrible accuracy.